Being a parent, next to being a wife, truly is the most difficult thing I've encountered.


For me, I started on the parenting journey young. Even with great parents who were supportive and stepped up to help me....I felt like I was learning as I went.  I thought this had to do with my young age and never having children.  I can tell you almost 25 years in....there are still days I feel that way!!


Because we are all different and have different needs and emotions.....and this means our children....the reality is we are always learning as we go.  I don't think there's any 'parenting tips 101' we can take to turn out great people. I don't even think who we are and who we become has to do entirely with our environment or how we were parented.  I'm sharing because my own kids and journey has been deep in my heart for months and it will be transitioning again with our last entering his senior year....and writing helps soothe my soul.  Not because I have any magic ball or tips on how to be a great parent. 


There are certain things, in my personal opinion, we can do as parents to help 'set the stage' so to speak. Some constant parameters that are non-negotiables.  How we execute that will look vastly different with different children.  It will also look different based on their ages and such. This can be hard because I think often our nature is to try to tell our kids what to do and then expect them to do it.  So when they don't, we are stuck in the discipline phase of parenting which can be hard depending on your personality.  It's both hard and fulfilling to walk through it.

When they were little....say 4 and under, much of parenting was about teaching obedience. How to behave and have self control. How to listen and be respectful. We didn't do tantrums. Tantrums was a sure fire way to a spanking.  I'm not saying that's right or wrong.  I don't know.  In our house, some were spanked more than others because they were able to control their behavior sooner. Is that fair?  Who knows...but I know we didn't have a lot of tantrums. 


When they were school age it ran the gamut. On a given day we could rejoice in another praise of a practically perfect in every way day to have you thought about putting your son on meds?  I sat in classrooms, grounded, stressed, cried, and made a few teachers cry.  I think I asked, 'Why would you do that?' at least 4 million times.  I remember calling out to God and asking for guidance. Feeling like it would never end.


I remember middle school as a vortex.....a weird other world where your child you had come to know suddenly was wearing black eye liner and never leaving their room, suddently becoming a 'chic' magnet and being catfished on my space, suddenly in what seemed daily fights and arguments, suddenly telling teachers off and leading classroom revolts.  I remember feeling so extreme....from a hollering, threatening crazy woman to a counselor/social worker to a crying blubbery mess.  I remember calling out to God and asking for guidance. Feeling like it would never end.


High school bought new situations as they flexed their independence in decision making and pressed against our rules. Tantrums still weren't allowed, spanking had ended but discipline still had to come.  Because we just weren't done.  But man I was tired.  And there were days where I just didn't have it in me to have one more conversations, enforce one more punishment, call one more coach, sit in one more meeting.  It's an strange dichotomy to have almost grown people....who are making their own choices but still held to the consequence put on by their parents. I remember calling out to God and asking for guidance. Feeling like it would never end.


And young adulthood??? Good Lord, suddenly my kids wanna curse and party and make grown up decisions!!!!! Who are these people!?!?!  I am always calling out to God and asking for guidance. 


But by now, I've learned that it does end.  And it starts.  And it ends.  And it starts. And it ebbs and flows in a million different ways we could never imagine or orchestrate.  We still have rules. We still expect respect. There are still non-negotiables.  But there is an open hand because we cannot control.


I remember when my kids were young, talking with friends whose children were older and being told, 'Oh man, just wait. It gets harder.'  I agree with that to some extent because who we are as parents vastly changes as our children become adults and that is definitely hard. Seeing them struggle through things we wish we could protect them from is hard.  But man, there is tremendous fruit when we stay the course. When we see an achievement that we did not have a part of other than to be a cheerleader or supporter.  A raise at their job.  A healthy relationship. A struggle overcome.  That is something.  It's amazing that God allows us to be a part of other people's journey as parents.  That we are given the gift of having direct influence on someone's life and walk with them thru their struggles and triumphs.  What a tremendous blessing.


Be hopeful.  Today is not tomorrow and the beginning is not the end.  What you see is not all that there is.  Our worries of what others think can't be what we lead with. Your child needs you.


Be strong. We can never stop being parents. Giving advice. Saying the hard things. Our tiredness can't be where we stop. They are listening even if we think they are not.


Stay connected because we cannot do this alone.
Stay focused because it's too easy to become distracted.
Stay prayerful because I can't imagine doing this without Him.


Be encouraged.  You're not alone.

An intro, I guess?

So starting a new blog.  A place to gather the thoughts, memories, rants and rejoicing of mommydom. 


Now that I have been a parent longer than I have not, how the heck did that happen by the way, I realize that all of those "older" moms that used to give me this bit of advice were right.


It does fly by.


And while each new season of parenting has wonderfully new agonizing moments and memories, there is a sweet nostalgia for the prior season.


Of sweet smelling babies that love to snuggle...
Of little giggly questions that fill our day...
Of baking cookies for class snack...
And we pass this wisdom of 'enjoy every moment' and 'cherish every day' onto moms who are in great disarray and stress...frazzled and feeling overwhelmed.  Reality? They may not wish to enjoy or cherish those moments, because they aren't even fully sure at that moment that they want to have them!




How soon we forget.




But the opposite isn't helpful either.  Those worn and weathered moms who discourage with statements of, 'oh-all kids do that' or 'wait until you get to THIS stage...blah, blah, blah'.  So if a new momma is experiencing some kind of euphoria that her 2 year old finally DIDN'T bite the neighbor kid, she feels silly for doing so.


Shame on us.


One of my favorite sayings is, 'it is what it is'.  Kind of a reminder to live in the truth and accept situations for what they are.  It might be hard to see how that might relate to motherhood.




But somewhere, in the midst of pretending motherhood is only frolicking through spring meadows OR only trudging through dark caverns of the underworld...is the truth.


The truth that mommy days often lead to a strange phenomenon that can only be described as mommy daze.


The daze that comes from no sleep.
The daze that comes from reading a story one more time.
The daze that comes from finding out your child's secret that you would never want to know.


But also.


The daze that comes from realizing this precious gem of a person is a part of you.
The daze that comes from rejoicing with them as they reach a goal.
The daze that comes from seeing them interact with others in a rewarding way.


It can't and shouldn't be separated.  And as we share with other mommies, we can't and shouldn't pretend it was better or worse than it was.


It is what it is.


And I wouldn't change it for all the money in the world.